Escaping with Old Friends.

TIME WITH OLD FRIENDSI just spent the weekend with my childhood girlfriends. It was to be a combination of events: 1 Wedding, 2 New babies and 1 friend who had terminal cancer. Unfortunately my friend passed just a week before my visit. With sadness I used this visit as a cathartic retreat with my friends. My real friends. I went solo....no husband and no 2 1/2 year old. Just me, myself and I. A rare treat. I have not gone anywhere that was not a work related trip by myself. This was all about me. Not work. Not family obligations. Just taking care of me and boy did I accomplish just that.One of the biggest differences between a an 'friend' and a real friend...is the ability to listen coupled with a desire to give you what you need. Its mutual. Give and take. This time I was on the take (very rare for me). Now 2 out of the 4 of my friends who I visited with were mommies. I strategically stayed in a friends house without kids (how bad is that but remember I had the goal of complete selfishness and relaxation). My friends heard what I needed 1) SLEEP 2) Down Time 3) spending time with each of their familes and kiddies 4) visiting my old chlidhood places and video them to show my daughter. They did not push for more exciting plans. There was no "we have to go to this new place that is supposed to be the place to go", there was no "I have to run errands...come along with me and we'll squeeze your needs in. They knew what I needed and as a true friend wanted to make sure I was taken care of.

Something very relevant here is that I am married 10 years to my best friend....my husband who has a disability which does not allow me to leave my daughter home with him at the moment (his seizures can still scare her and hurt her if he he is not aware of what he is doing). So I don't get a whole lot of girlfriend time or alone time. I have my parents nearby but I keep them busy watching the little one on the few days per week so I can go to my office.

My friends knew it was a long time before I relaxed without worries. I don't want to give the impression I am always about me! So what did I do during my escape weekend. I cooked with a girlfriend, I remembered a lost girlfriend with another friend, I watched the kiddies play at a park on a beautiful day, I held two lovely little baby boys, I danced at a friends wedding, and I slept. Boy did I sleep well. I had a cozy room that made me feel as if I was in a bed and breakfast. I was in heaven. But boy did I miss my little girl and wish she could share in this experience with me. There is always next time. My friends made me feel home. Made me feel safe and at peace. It was a nice feeling. Why can't I feel that every day? Responsibilites for one...having to be the primary provider of my family. Everyone counts on me. I love my life. I SO love my life. Just wish there was a little more money in the bank. Being able to breath. Its always about $ and I hate it.....ok deep sigh. Inhale...Exhale.

Now I leave you with my question...how do you find a mommy friend who knows you like your childhood friends, who is there for you without conditions, who has similar values, interests and beliefs about raising kids all wrapped into one? I find this a challenge. Will this change when my child enters preschool next year? Maybe its where I live, I just wish people would put down the masks and just keep it real. Don't be afraid to show us your not the best housekeeper. A real friend won't judge and will simply understand when you close your bedroom door on us. We get it....its just too real. We all have one of those rooms!!

Than there is the time. How do I make a friend if I can't give you much time? Phone time limited to cel phone conversations in the car taking over my 2.5 yr old who says "she wants to talk". I can't have many playdates because I work full time. Unless they are willing to stop by on a day I work from home and let me be in front of my laptop while we hang for an hour or two. I can't leave the little one w/ hubby due to the forementioned seizures. My mom gives me a lot and I can't ask for her to watch little one much more than i am. I have neglected my marriage and myself for nearly 3 years. My dreams of wanting a large family are gone. I have replaced it with a fabulous little girl who gets me and I get her and I am SO into her. She fulfils me and I can't wait to share my life with her, teach her, learn from her, love her. I have a husband who is my best friend...we have been through so much together and I love him. I do love him. We just have a lot going on with his not being able to drive...and get out....and work at the moment (for the past 3 years). Its tough. He hates it and I wish I could lean on him a bit more. We are working through it and I have complete faith in us as a family.

OH MY what a path I JUST went down. I knew this blog would be theraputic. But its scary to put it out there. Do I want anyone who knows me to KNOW me? Draft or Post? DRAFT or POST? Gonna go choose.