Cha-Cha-Cha-CHANGES

Ok moms (and sentimental sappy dads)...how do you handle transition with your child?! Here is the situation.  Next week my daughter is just completing her 2nd year of preschool and now two years in a row I have anticipatory anxiety.  My stomach hurts and I am having difficulty sleeping.  The same exact thing happened last year at this time as I would secretly tear up at the thought of her amazing first year of preschool ending. I loved her teachers. The class had become an extended family.  It was magic. It was about a week before school ended that I saw changes in my little one. She became more clingy. She started having separation issues for the very first time. It's important to mention it was also the same very week of school ending that my father had triple bypass surgery and as much as I tried to hide my emotions, my little one had to have picked up my fear and sadness.

I learned an important lesson with my father's surgery.  The lesson learned is maybe I should not be working so hard at hiding my feelings from my daughter. I am not saying I should have dumped on a than 3 year old, but perhaps I should have explained more instead of brushing it under the rug in an effort not to upset her.  I didn't talk about 'pop-pops' surgery and his being in the hospital.  I didn't give her anything to process. So it is very possible the unknown spooked her more than had I been more honest but still keep it age appropriate.

So at the end of her school last year her beloved Grandpa had surgery, the walls in her classroom were now bare, and she knew that she would be in a different class next year. The next two and a half weeks (but whose counting) between school and camp were uneventful and fun when we were together but on the days I had to go work, she cried for my mom, cried for her babysitter. Something she never did before.  I never had to leave a crying kid. I was not well equipped to deal with this. I remember crying in the car outside my home after having had her clawing at me not to leave. It still breaks my heart a year later. 

Than came camp.  I thought it would be a no-brainer as she was attending camp at her very school.  So the room would be different but the surroundings and some of her friends would be the same. Well...it was a long 8 weeks. She would cry about going to camp the night before, she would cry and cling when I left her. Not the entire time but definitely in the beginning and some throughout the summer.

This is a kid who never once cried on her first day of preschool.  She never cried once throughout that first year. And she did not cry when school started for her second year. So even though I thought her first year was magical. Her second year in preschool was pretty darn good as well. We had great teachers. A great class. She was a little clingy the first day but no tears and came home smiling. The year was perfect.

It's important that I digress to my childhood for a minute as Freudian as that seems...I remember when I was teenager the feelings I felt as I transitioned from one semester to another. I never liked it. It would take a little time to adjust and I remember feeling a bit 'blue' about the newness of the classes and schedule I now had.  It was not debilitating by any means but I remember feeling uneasy. I have this reoccurring dream that I am in college with my new schedule in hand trying to remember what building my classes were in and that dream concludes with me missing an entire semester of a class that  I forgot was on my new schedule. Hmmm interesting. Could I be passing this 'transitional anxiety' on to my daughter? She is so much like me. Both a beautiful but terrifying feeling as of course I want even better for her.  I want her to leave any traces of my depression, anxiety, worrying, low self-esteem I may have had growing up.  I had a fairly happy childhood that I really wouldn't change other than to have the self-esteem I now have as a 41 year old.

So SUMMER is here. This year we go do a NEW camp.  I wanted to give her an opportunity to break the pattern and get used to different experiences. She has one of her current classmates in her new camp group and several not in her group but she will see them I am sure. She seems a little excited but at the same time I sense her apprehension as she has slowly started to get more clingy these past few weeks.  Kids know more than we give them credit for. She talks all about her class when she is "5".
The bottom line I want to give her strength even if I am shaking inside. This is only a preview of what's to come...KINDERGARTEN.

I realize change can be good. I transitioned beautifully at the various stages of her 4.5 year old life. Each stage I loved more and more. I would miss her as a baby but loved her so much as a toddler and than a preschooler.  So any advice for this nervous mommy? Am I normal or a basket case? You can be honest. Just remind me that if she cries at camp...she will survive. It will make her stronger.  Right?!

I guess all we can do is reassure our children, praise them for being the beautiful children they are and love them so that feel confident in knowing what she was taught her very first day of preschool "mommy comes back.....mommy always comes back".

NEW YEARS 2011 QUIZ

I want to thank a great blog called ALL & SUNDRY for the following thought provoking quiz.  
With the NEW Year comes something else very new for me...starting today my 4-year old is going to preschool EVERYDAY.  I fought this trying to hold on to my baby a little longer and had her going 3 days till 1:30pm. However, SHE asked for it and after not much thought I realized it was best for her. She was a big girl now and did not need to follow mommy around on errands or even another playdate. She needed a schedule, her classmates and her teachers. She was ready and it's time Mommy gets her act together too. So I dropped her off today (did I mention she is also going till 3pm instead of 1:30pm) and after some tears (by me) I realized it was not only best for her but for me too.

I needed to build my business (a total different life than my blogging) and tend to my blogging which nourishes me. I need to start taking care of me. With some more hours to myself I can accomplish this. So this is the first day of something new and with a cup of coffee nearby I am going to tackle this New Year's Quiz. Hoping by finding out more about you'll want to come back for more. All I can do is be honest...it's up to you whether you like what you see. So I hope you enjoy! Happy New Year!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? I am stumped on the very first question. Not good. Did I do anything new?! Ok let's add that to my resolutions.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No I did not keep my resolutions from last year. and Yes I will re-make the same resolution, to take better care of me. I failed at this. I am trying again this year. My daughter needs me. My husband needs me. I want to be here. I need to start doing something to get healthier. I am hoping with more time, I can take care of me better. Go back to Weight Watchers, increase exercise, all the standard stuff we set goals for. But also to nourish my soul. I need to do that desperately.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? This was a slow year on the baby front. I did not have one single baby enter my life family or friend. Does that mean I am getting older?!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my Great-Aunt Sarah passed away. And just a few weeks ago my 12 1/2 year old golden retriever, Cobey. He was such a good boy and we are feeling this loss in our home.

5. What countries did you visit? I did not travel at all. Finances. Fear of flying. Yadda Yadda.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? More fun time with hubby. Time to read more books that is not just from my daughter's bookshelf. . 

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? In May my dad had triple bypass. That is a day I will never forget. The fear of losing him was palpable. It was a nail biting day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Building my business. Becoming my own boss. Slowly. I am in a better place than last year. Not by much but I am on the right path.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not tending to this blog and not losing weight.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Thankfully no but I am on the border of becoming diabetic so reality is if I don't get my act together I could have a different answer next year. (Let's hope not)

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Kindle.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My daughter. She is a good egg. Kind, funny, loving. She's an old soul and I love being with her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My daughter. She is 4 and thinks she knows better than me. She has had moments that have made me see into the future to the teenage years and its scared me terribly. LOL (nervous laugh).

14. Where did most of your money go? Yep..you guessed it...my daughter and bills in general.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? A New Glee episode (how pathetic!?)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Poker Face..anything Lady Gaga.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier most days.
b) thinner or fatter? thinner (slightly).
c) richer or poorer? same (and it's not pretty).

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Zoo's, Museums, Aquariums, Exploring...

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying.

20. How did you spend New Years?  With hubby and little one. Made dinner. Played games. Laughed. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Just about everyday with my daughter. (Wish I could say the same for hubby...LOL).

22. What was your favorite TV program? GLEE

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Ugh. I hate the word hate. I would say I have less intolerance for some craziness that was in my life.

24. What was the best book you read? I am

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I did not discover anyone in particular. I did discover that I love the music that the dancers on "So You Think You Can Dance" dance to. I often downloaded songs to my ipod from that show. Interesting, different music.

26. What did you want and get? Another year of good health for my family. Knock wood. Pooh pooh (it's a Jewish thing the pooh pooh). 

27. What did you want and not get? For my dog to live longer.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Oh this is sad. Did I even see a movie this year???...oh yeah...TANGLED.  I actually loved that movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 41. It sounds pathetic. I put my dog to sleep the day before my birthday. ON my birthday I worked all day and than had dinner at home with my little one and husband. I love my work and it was good to keep busy as the day before had been an horror. I was extremely content with my quiet family time when I came home.

30. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My clients. I work with seniors and I have met some really great people with really interesting stories to tell.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? I have no fashion sense anymore. If it fits and is comfy, I wear it. Maybe that should be a resolution!?

32. What kept you sane? Not sure I am sane. But let's say I am sane...I think those who make me crazy also keep me sane. My family. My husband and my daughter. They keep me grounded.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I can't believe I cannot answer this. I am pretty into celebrity gossip but this year just found it all boring (Lindsay Lohan...who cares!!!).

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare. I had a hard time getting healthcare after my Cobra ran out because I have a pre-exsisting condition...I am overweight.  It was a horrible experience to not have healthcare for 8 months. Also, Don't Ask Don't Tell was a big one. I love my gays. All Men and Women should be created equal. Enough said.

35. Who did you miss? My sweet boy. My furry one. My Cobey.

36. Who was the best new person you met? My daughters teachers both last year and this year. I love them.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Worrying doesn't change anything.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Oh I am so bad at this...the only thing that comes to mind which is pretty lame..."Another One Bites". However, I have great regard for the year to come. I think 2011 is going to be a smashing year...tell me what song would reflect that?!

So I tried my best. My coffee is empty. My head is swirling. Need I say more?! Have a great day!