Cha-Cha-Cha-CHANGES

Ok moms (and sentimental sappy dads)...how do you handle transition with your child?! Here is the situation.  Next week my daughter is just completing her 2nd year of preschool and now two years in a row I have anticipatory anxiety.  My stomach hurts and I am having difficulty sleeping.  The same exact thing happened last year at this time as I would secretly tear up at the thought of her amazing first year of preschool ending. I loved her teachers. The class had become an extended family.  It was magic. It was about a week before school ended that I saw changes in my little one. She became more clingy. She started having separation issues for the very first time. It's important to mention it was also the same very week of school ending that my father had triple bypass surgery and as much as I tried to hide my emotions, my little one had to have picked up my fear and sadness.

I learned an important lesson with my father's surgery.  The lesson learned is maybe I should not be working so hard at hiding my feelings from my daughter. I am not saying I should have dumped on a than 3 year old, but perhaps I should have explained more instead of brushing it under the rug in an effort not to upset her.  I didn't talk about 'pop-pops' surgery and his being in the hospital.  I didn't give her anything to process. So it is very possible the unknown spooked her more than had I been more honest but still keep it age appropriate.

So at the end of her school last year her beloved Grandpa had surgery, the walls in her classroom were now bare, and she knew that she would be in a different class next year. The next two and a half weeks (but whose counting) between school and camp were uneventful and fun when we were together but on the days I had to go work, she cried for my mom, cried for her babysitter. Something she never did before.  I never had to leave a crying kid. I was not well equipped to deal with this. I remember crying in the car outside my home after having had her clawing at me not to leave. It still breaks my heart a year later. 

Than came camp.  I thought it would be a no-brainer as she was attending camp at her very school.  So the room would be different but the surroundings and some of her friends would be the same. Well...it was a long 8 weeks. She would cry about going to camp the night before, she would cry and cling when I left her. Not the entire time but definitely in the beginning and some throughout the summer.

This is a kid who never once cried on her first day of preschool.  She never cried once throughout that first year. And she did not cry when school started for her second year. So even though I thought her first year was magical. Her second year in preschool was pretty darn good as well. We had great teachers. A great class. She was a little clingy the first day but no tears and came home smiling. The year was perfect.

It's important that I digress to my childhood for a minute as Freudian as that seems...I remember when I was teenager the feelings I felt as I transitioned from one semester to another. I never liked it. It would take a little time to adjust and I remember feeling a bit 'blue' about the newness of the classes and schedule I now had.  It was not debilitating by any means but I remember feeling uneasy. I have this reoccurring dream that I am in college with my new schedule in hand trying to remember what building my classes were in and that dream concludes with me missing an entire semester of a class that  I forgot was on my new schedule. Hmmm interesting. Could I be passing this 'transitional anxiety' on to my daughter? She is so much like me. Both a beautiful but terrifying feeling as of course I want even better for her.  I want her to leave any traces of my depression, anxiety, worrying, low self-esteem I may have had growing up.  I had a fairly happy childhood that I really wouldn't change other than to have the self-esteem I now have as a 41 year old.

So SUMMER is here. This year we go do a NEW camp.  I wanted to give her an opportunity to break the pattern and get used to different experiences. She has one of her current classmates in her new camp group and several not in her group but she will see them I am sure. She seems a little excited but at the same time I sense her apprehension as she has slowly started to get more clingy these past few weeks.  Kids know more than we give them credit for. She talks all about her class when she is "5".
The bottom line I want to give her strength even if I am shaking inside. This is only a preview of what's to come...KINDERGARTEN.

I realize change can be good. I transitioned beautifully at the various stages of her 4.5 year old life. Each stage I loved more and more. I would miss her as a baby but loved her so much as a toddler and than a preschooler.  So any advice for this nervous mommy? Am I normal or a basket case? You can be honest. Just remind me that if she cries at camp...she will survive. It will make her stronger.  Right?!

I guess all we can do is reassure our children, praise them for being the beautiful children they are and love them so that feel confident in knowing what she was taught her very first day of preschool "mommy comes back.....mommy always comes back".