Honey....I'm Home!

I cannot believe the last time I wrote a blog entry was something like 4-years ago. I had a 4 year old...and just post toddler little girl. Now I have an 8-year old who is in 2nd Grade brings joy to my life daily when she is not making me question my ability as a Mother.  Do you all do that too? Judge
yourself? I do daily....I wake up saying today I am going to be a perfect mom and go to bed wondering how many things I could have done better. We are our worst enemies.  Aren't our children going to grow up with "issue" no matter what we do? Don't we all have issues!?

Obviously there is a difference between a bad/horrible parent and the rest of us who try with all our might and just hope for the best.

So far, so good.  My daughter is a decent human being.  She has flourished from the shy girl to a often opinionated child. She has learned to read, do math, tell time, count money.  She has had her first childhood "crush" in Kindergarten and who has returned to our lives in 2nd Grade. She is innocent and I have tried my best to both keep her in a bubble yet expose her to as much of the world as possible. 

Well, that's a complex challenge. On one had I revert to the bubble and carefully monitor her tv and movie viewing . I was such a stickler about this as I wanted to keep her innocence as long as possible and some really great television shows are meant for tweens not for the young ones.  I kept her away from learning about sad things as long as I could, perhaps to her determent.  My shy child who was always described as a thinker has grown into a an even bigger thinker and sometimes gets herself stressed out.  This past year or two she discovered that people die who are younger. I know perhaps a smarter child would have figured this out sooner when they realized that none of the Disney Princesses have Mothers. But her initial experience with death was my Grandmother...her "Bubbie".  She was in her 90's and we were able to flourish  the reality of it with our first talk about Heaven and what we thought it might be like. So now she worries a bit about something happening to us or her. Normal childhood milestone I think. Lesson learned that no matter how much you shelter your child, her classmate, 'Jimmy' will tell her about his baby cousin who died.  Its most definitely best to teach things first yourself. Its always tricky figuring out when to start the lessons.

There is more to our story.  My husband (before we married) was hit by a drunk driver in 1995.  He was in a coma for 10 days and suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI).  It effected him differently over the years.  He suffers memory issues and seizures.  Not easy for a little one to experience her daddy having a seizure in front of her.  I am sure that lack of control of her environment weighs on her during her most anxious moments. But the good things is she is a happy child who enjoys so many things...basketball, art, reading, drawing and playing Mommy to her many dolls. She is very creative and has a lot of moxie.  She is kind and inquisitive and I could go on because I am very enamored by my child as we all should be.

Ok so one more thing you need to know about me.  I run my own business and care for my child and assist my husband who can't drive and on top of it I am dealing with thyroid issues. Having been overweight most of my life I finally grew comfortable in my own skin (or so I say) but than I gained more weight and started just feeling horrible.  It was a slow spiral down until my diagnosis and I am just recently starting treatment.  So on top of being exhausted by life, I am also exhausted from the inside out, my body hurts, my moods are a bit all over the place, I am most probably perimenapausal and I am anemic. Oh did I mention borderline diabetic.

Its time for some drastic change and I thought this blog could hold me accountable, let me write, which I love to do and let me interact with others and hopefully bring you along on a positive journey back to a healthier me. Please, don't mistake my rant as complaining. There is so much I love about my life, I just need to feel healthier so I can get more out of it. Make sense?

Boy, if you are still reading thanks for reading through this major rant!  I think I need a place to let it all out. 

I leave you with you a quote from one of our favorite movies, Cheaper by the Dozen 2,
"There is no one way to be a perfect parent, but there are many ways to be a great one.".  Lets strive for greatness but continue to love ourselves during the moments we fail.

Thanks for hanging in on this way-to-long blog!
MamaRorose
XOXO