Honey....I'm Home!

I cannot believe the last time I wrote a blog entry was something like 4-years ago. I had a 4 year old...and just post toddler little girl. Now I have an 8-year old who is in 2nd Grade brings joy to my life daily when she is not making me question my ability as a Mother.  Do you all do that too? Judge
yourself? I do daily....I wake up saying today I am going to be a perfect mom and go to bed wondering how many things I could have done better. We are our worst enemies.  Aren't our children going to grow up with "issue" no matter what we do? Don't we all have issues!?

Obviously there is a difference between a bad/horrible parent and the rest of us who try with all our might and just hope for the best.

So far, so good.  My daughter is a decent human being.  She has flourished from the shy girl to a often opinionated child. She has learned to read, do math, tell time, count money.  She has had her first childhood "crush" in Kindergarten and who has returned to our lives in 2nd Grade. She is innocent and I have tried my best to both keep her in a bubble yet expose her to as much of the world as possible. 

Well, that's a complex challenge. On one had I revert to the bubble and carefully monitor her tv and movie viewing . I was such a stickler about this as I wanted to keep her innocence as long as possible and some really great television shows are meant for tweens not for the young ones.  I kept her away from learning about sad things as long as I could, perhaps to her determent.  My shy child who was always described as a thinker has grown into a an even bigger thinker and sometimes gets herself stressed out.  This past year or two she discovered that people die who are younger. I know perhaps a smarter child would have figured this out sooner when they realized that none of the Disney Princesses have Mothers. But her initial experience with death was my Grandmother...her "Bubbie".  She was in her 90's and we were able to flourish  the reality of it with our first talk about Heaven and what we thought it might be like. So now she worries a bit about something happening to us or her. Normal childhood milestone I think. Lesson learned that no matter how much you shelter your child, her classmate, 'Jimmy' will tell her about his baby cousin who died.  Its most definitely best to teach things first yourself. Its always tricky figuring out when to start the lessons.

There is more to our story.  My husband (before we married) was hit by a drunk driver in 1995.  He was in a coma for 10 days and suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI).  It effected him differently over the years.  He suffers memory issues and seizures.  Not easy for a little one to experience her daddy having a seizure in front of her.  I am sure that lack of control of her environment weighs on her during her most anxious moments. But the good things is she is a happy child who enjoys so many things...basketball, art, reading, drawing and playing Mommy to her many dolls. She is very creative and has a lot of moxie.  She is kind and inquisitive and I could go on because I am very enamored by my child as we all should be.

Ok so one more thing you need to know about me.  I run my own business and care for my child and assist my husband who can't drive and on top of it I am dealing with thyroid issues. Having been overweight most of my life I finally grew comfortable in my own skin (or so I say) but than I gained more weight and started just feeling horrible.  It was a slow spiral down until my diagnosis and I am just recently starting treatment.  So on top of being exhausted by life, I am also exhausted from the inside out, my body hurts, my moods are a bit all over the place, I am most probably perimenapausal and I am anemic. Oh did I mention borderline diabetic.

Its time for some drastic change and I thought this blog could hold me accountable, let me write, which I love to do and let me interact with others and hopefully bring you along on a positive journey back to a healthier me. Please, don't mistake my rant as complaining. There is so much I love about my life, I just need to feel healthier so I can get more out of it. Make sense?

Boy, if you are still reading thanks for reading through this major rant!  I think I need a place to let it all out. 

I leave you with you a quote from one of our favorite movies, Cheaper by the Dozen 2,
"There is no one way to be a perfect parent, but there are many ways to be a great one.".  Lets strive for greatness but continue to love ourselves during the moments we fail.

Thanks for hanging in on this way-to-long blog!
MamaRorose
XOXO

Cha-Cha-Cha-CHANGES

Ok moms (and sentimental sappy dads)...how do you handle transition with your child?! Here is the situation.  Next week my daughter is just completing her 2nd year of preschool and now two years in a row I have anticipatory anxiety.  My stomach hurts and I am having difficulty sleeping.  The same exact thing happened last year at this time as I would secretly tear up at the thought of her amazing first year of preschool ending. I loved her teachers. The class had become an extended family.  It was magic. It was about a week before school ended that I saw changes in my little one. She became more clingy. She started having separation issues for the very first time. It's important to mention it was also the same very week of school ending that my father had triple bypass surgery and as much as I tried to hide my emotions, my little one had to have picked up my fear and sadness.

I learned an important lesson with my father's surgery.  The lesson learned is maybe I should not be working so hard at hiding my feelings from my daughter. I am not saying I should have dumped on a than 3 year old, but perhaps I should have explained more instead of brushing it under the rug in an effort not to upset her.  I didn't talk about 'pop-pops' surgery and his being in the hospital.  I didn't give her anything to process. So it is very possible the unknown spooked her more than had I been more honest but still keep it age appropriate.

So at the end of her school last year her beloved Grandpa had surgery, the walls in her classroom were now bare, and she knew that she would be in a different class next year. The next two and a half weeks (but whose counting) between school and camp were uneventful and fun when we were together but on the days I had to go work, she cried for my mom, cried for her babysitter. Something she never did before.  I never had to leave a crying kid. I was not well equipped to deal with this. I remember crying in the car outside my home after having had her clawing at me not to leave. It still breaks my heart a year later. 

Than came camp.  I thought it would be a no-brainer as she was attending camp at her very school.  So the room would be different but the surroundings and some of her friends would be the same. Well...it was a long 8 weeks. She would cry about going to camp the night before, she would cry and cling when I left her. Not the entire time but definitely in the beginning and some throughout the summer.

This is a kid who never once cried on her first day of preschool.  She never cried once throughout that first year. And she did not cry when school started for her second year. So even though I thought her first year was magical. Her second year in preschool was pretty darn good as well. We had great teachers. A great class. She was a little clingy the first day but no tears and came home smiling. The year was perfect.

It's important that I digress to my childhood for a minute as Freudian as that seems...I remember when I was teenager the feelings I felt as I transitioned from one semester to another. I never liked it. It would take a little time to adjust and I remember feeling a bit 'blue' about the newness of the classes and schedule I now had.  It was not debilitating by any means but I remember feeling uneasy. I have this reoccurring dream that I am in college with my new schedule in hand trying to remember what building my classes were in and that dream concludes with me missing an entire semester of a class that  I forgot was on my new schedule. Hmmm interesting. Could I be passing this 'transitional anxiety' on to my daughter? She is so much like me. Both a beautiful but terrifying feeling as of course I want even better for her.  I want her to leave any traces of my depression, anxiety, worrying, low self-esteem I may have had growing up.  I had a fairly happy childhood that I really wouldn't change other than to have the self-esteem I now have as a 41 year old.

So SUMMER is here. This year we go do a NEW camp.  I wanted to give her an opportunity to break the pattern and get used to different experiences. She has one of her current classmates in her new camp group and several not in her group but she will see them I am sure. She seems a little excited but at the same time I sense her apprehension as she has slowly started to get more clingy these past few weeks.  Kids know more than we give them credit for. She talks all about her class when she is "5".
The bottom line I want to give her strength even if I am shaking inside. This is only a preview of what's to come...KINDERGARTEN.

I realize change can be good. I transitioned beautifully at the various stages of her 4.5 year old life. Each stage I loved more and more. I would miss her as a baby but loved her so much as a toddler and than a preschooler.  So any advice for this nervous mommy? Am I normal or a basket case? You can be honest. Just remind me that if she cries at camp...she will survive. It will make her stronger.  Right?!

I guess all we can do is reassure our children, praise them for being the beautiful children they are and love them so that feel confident in knowing what she was taught her very first day of preschool "mommy comes back.....mommy always comes back".

NEW YEARS 2011 QUIZ

I want to thank a great blog called ALL & SUNDRY for the following thought provoking quiz.  
With the NEW Year comes something else very new for me...starting today my 4-year old is going to preschool EVERYDAY.  I fought this trying to hold on to my baby a little longer and had her going 3 days till 1:30pm. However, SHE asked for it and after not much thought I realized it was best for her. She was a big girl now and did not need to follow mommy around on errands or even another playdate. She needed a schedule, her classmates and her teachers. She was ready and it's time Mommy gets her act together too. So I dropped her off today (did I mention she is also going till 3pm instead of 1:30pm) and after some tears (by me) I realized it was not only best for her but for me too.

I needed to build my business (a total different life than my blogging) and tend to my blogging which nourishes me. I need to start taking care of me. With some more hours to myself I can accomplish this. So this is the first day of something new and with a cup of coffee nearby I am going to tackle this New Year's Quiz. Hoping by finding out more about you'll want to come back for more. All I can do is be honest...it's up to you whether you like what you see. So I hope you enjoy! Happy New Year!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? I am stumped on the very first question. Not good. Did I do anything new?! Ok let's add that to my resolutions.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No I did not keep my resolutions from last year. and Yes I will re-make the same resolution, to take better care of me. I failed at this. I am trying again this year. My daughter needs me. My husband needs me. I want to be here. I need to start doing something to get healthier. I am hoping with more time, I can take care of me better. Go back to Weight Watchers, increase exercise, all the standard stuff we set goals for. But also to nourish my soul. I need to do that desperately.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? This was a slow year on the baby front. I did not have one single baby enter my life family or friend. Does that mean I am getting older?!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, my Great-Aunt Sarah passed away. And just a few weeks ago my 12 1/2 year old golden retriever, Cobey. He was such a good boy and we are feeling this loss in our home.

5. What countries did you visit? I did not travel at all. Finances. Fear of flying. Yadda Yadda.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? More fun time with hubby. Time to read more books that is not just from my daughter's bookshelf. . 

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? In May my dad had triple bypass. That is a day I will never forget. The fear of losing him was palpable. It was a nail biting day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Building my business. Becoming my own boss. Slowly. I am in a better place than last year. Not by much but I am on the right path.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not tending to this blog and not losing weight.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Thankfully no but I am on the border of becoming diabetic so reality is if I don't get my act together I could have a different answer next year. (Let's hope not)

11. What was the best thing you bought? My Kindle.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My daughter. She is a good egg. Kind, funny, loving. She's an old soul and I love being with her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My daughter. She is 4 and thinks she knows better than me. She has had moments that have made me see into the future to the teenage years and its scared me terribly. LOL (nervous laugh).

14. Where did most of your money go? Yep..you guessed it...my daughter and bills in general.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? A New Glee episode (how pathetic!?)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Poker Face..anything Lady Gaga.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier most days.
b) thinner or fatter? thinner (slightly).
c) richer or poorer? same (and it's not pretty).

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Zoo's, Museums, Aquariums, Exploring...

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying.

20. How did you spend New Years?  With hubby and little one. Made dinner. Played games. Laughed. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Just about everyday with my daughter. (Wish I could say the same for hubby...LOL).

22. What was your favorite TV program? GLEE

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Ugh. I hate the word hate. I would say I have less intolerance for some craziness that was in my life.

24. What was the best book you read? I am

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I did not discover anyone in particular. I did discover that I love the music that the dancers on "So You Think You Can Dance" dance to. I often downloaded songs to my ipod from that show. Interesting, different music.

26. What did you want and get? Another year of good health for my family. Knock wood. Pooh pooh (it's a Jewish thing the pooh pooh). 

27. What did you want and not get? For my dog to live longer.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Oh this is sad. Did I even see a movie this year???...oh yeah...TANGLED.  I actually loved that movie.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 41. It sounds pathetic. I put my dog to sleep the day before my birthday. ON my birthday I worked all day and than had dinner at home with my little one and husband. I love my work and it was good to keep busy as the day before had been an horror. I was extremely content with my quiet family time when I came home.

30. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My clients. I work with seniors and I have met some really great people with really interesting stories to tell.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? I have no fashion sense anymore. If it fits and is comfy, I wear it. Maybe that should be a resolution!?

32. What kept you sane? Not sure I am sane. But let's say I am sane...I think those who make me crazy also keep me sane. My family. My husband and my daughter. They keep me grounded.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I can't believe I cannot answer this. I am pretty into celebrity gossip but this year just found it all boring (Lindsay Lohan...who cares!!!).

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare. I had a hard time getting healthcare after my Cobra ran out because I have a pre-exsisting condition...I am overweight.  It was a horrible experience to not have healthcare for 8 months. Also, Don't Ask Don't Tell was a big one. I love my gays. All Men and Women should be created equal. Enough said.

35. Who did you miss? My sweet boy. My furry one. My Cobey.

36. Who was the best new person you met? My daughters teachers both last year and this year. I love them.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010. Worrying doesn't change anything.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Oh I am so bad at this...the only thing that comes to mind which is pretty lame..."Another One Bites". However, I have great regard for the year to come. I think 2011 is going to be a smashing year...tell me what song would reflect that?!

So I tried my best. My coffee is empty. My head is swirling. Need I say more?! Have a great day!

Happy New Year!

If anyone out there is reading my blog I just wanted to say I will be back. I enrolled little one in preschool 5 days (at her request and my need to work more) so I plan on dedicating myself more to my blogging because it's a love of mine but like many things we enjoy doing for ourselves seems to fall down the prority ladder. In the meantime, I wanted to take this time to wish everyone a very Happy New Year! May this year be filled with much peace, love and happiness. See you next year!

Whatever Happend to Pin the Tail on the Donkey?!

Happy 4th Birthday Little One!!
Ok folks, I won't even get into to what a bad blogger I am. Hanging head in shame at how long it took me to get to a blog entry. For a more experienced Blogger, you may want to look elsewhere. AND I am not going to even touch the fact that the past 4 years flew by as I am not in the mood to cry over how my baby is all grown up. However, I am just recovering from my daughter's 4th Birthday....Party. Let me preface this all by saying. IT WAS A BLAST! She had such a wonderful birthday weekend. Starting with a party for 35 friends and family at an indoor gym called Latte Fun, followed by the next day, her actual birthday, family brunch and celebrating with family.

This was the first 'Real' birthday party for her.  For her 1st I had a family blowout. For her 2nd & 3rd, family brunch followed by trip to Disney (We live in South Florida, its a 3 hour trek).  This year was her first real birthday party with her friends.

I enjoy making my daughter happy, but party planning may not be my strongest skill.  Perhaps if I was not working and trying to build my business, I would have more time and patience. Probably not. Personalized Invites. Check. Hello Kitty Cake. Check.  Food ordered. Check. Party bags for boys and girls for over 3 and under 3. Check check check.  Birthday outfit for birthday girl. Check. Balloons. Check.  Presents for birthday girl. Check. Did I forget anything?! Apparently not, however, I was too late to order that Pinata that apparently she likes but I didn't realize till 2 days before the party and the facility said no can do. Uncheck.

What I want to know is what happened to the simple times. The HOME parties? The homemade cakes or cupcakes? The dancing in the family room or basement? and Pin the Tail on the Donkey. The less expensive parties?! Ok I am sure the planning for these parties were probably more involved than what I did (the indoor gym took care of a lot but not everything) but the expense for this party was shocking.  I probably paid about $900 for the party and related items (not including her American Girl doll ;) ).  However, after speaking to a friend recently I hear that home parties are JUST as expensive.  I don't have a big enough home to house my little one's friends, hence this choice is not really an option anyways.

Is she worth it!? Of course! 10 Million times over!! Will I have that big of a party every year. Of course NOT. But to see my beautiful daughter beaming with joy while playing with her classmates, her camp friends, her friends since she was a baby, her cousins....PRICELESS.

So looking forward..Small Party? Just Girls? Well....I just attended this fabulous Princess Birthday in a the Princess room of this place, which had a castle and trees, and was simply gorgeous...See I can't help myself. It's starting already. Let me introduce myself, "Hi I am Heather and I am a Birthday Party Addict".  Someone throw me the rope and pull me in I may just be sinking!


NEXT SUBJECT: How to Raise a Non-Entitled Child.  Get your advice ready!

Boogie Wipes not just for kids!

I'll make this quick and easy.  Boogie Wipes - Gentle Saline Wipes for Stuffy Noses- Great Grape Scent is a gift from God. 

I had used these when my little one was a bit younger, but the non-grape scent. At the time I thought they were good but no different than using a wipe. Now the Grape Scented ones have me hooked and has made me revisit my earlier thoughts on this product.  The Grape scent is light and sweet and just enough to make that blowing or wiping a little more pleasant. The size of the wipe, when unfolded, is perfect for those bigger blows.

The package indicates use of this product is best for those dried up tough boogies.  Ok...stop here. I cannot believe I am dedicating an entire blog entry to boogers. This is the life of a mom who happens to blog I suppose. I shall proceed. I have found these wipes to be just as effective when my little one has a wetter cold and not just for dried boogies. I love these wipes because of the 3 "S"'s...Size, Softness, and Scent and the fact that I don't seem to have to beg my child to blow or wipe any longer.

The marketing of this product seems to be slanted towards babies.  Their logo has adorable boy and girl baby faces popping out of the O's in Boogie.  I assure you this product can be used for Toddlers, older kids and even Adults.

Another plus for this product it was created by MOMS.  I love products and companies founded by moms.  Girl Power. I love supporting our entrepreneurial moms.

This past week this mommy has been attacked by the bug that seems to be going around.  My cold is both stuffy and runny at times.  I reached for the Boogie Wipes and not only am I enjoying that breeze of grape yumminess everytime I blow but also my nose is soft and not that usual mess of a nose that is produced from a cold as this wipe truly is moisturizing as I wipe.  A big plus.

Not all children products are for kids alone.  Now if only the people at Little Busy Bodies, Inc. would read this and heed my only complaint...please put more than 30 wipes in a package.  This momma is going through them way too fast!!

CAN WE MAGIC ERASE MY DAY?
Have you ever have one of those days where you feel like you are the worst Mother known to mankind? Recently I had one of those days where you just wish you could take a Magic Eraser to the entire day and forget it ever happened.

It started out as an innocent "Stay in Pajama Sunday".  It is a rare treat that we are home for an entire day.  No birthday parties, no doctor appointments, no playdates, no errands. Just an entire day at home with hubby and my 3.5 year old.  We woke and I declared the day as "fun at home day". 

The goal was to stay at home, relax, recharge and just enjoy being with each other and if I could get a few loads of laundry done, cook dinner and do some light cleaning...even better.  So is it an oxymoron to use the words relax and a 3.5 year old in the same sentence?! What does a 3 year old know from kicking back and chilling out? I can't even get her to watch an entire Disney movie from beginning to end in one sitting, and I expected her to be ok with staying at home all day with no real concrete agenda for the day?!  Now mind you I was not planning on sitting in front of the television all day.  I had some semblance of an plan.  We were going to do arts & craft projects, we were going to play games as a family, build with Tinker Toys, read books, and whatever else met our fancy. We were going to be in the moment.  This is not a bad plan.  Not a bad plan at all.  And on most days it would have gone well and been quite enjoyable. Yet fun was not had by all on this particular stay at home day.

Replacing my day of "fun with the family" was a lot of whining (not only my 3 year old was responsible for this, her daddy seemed to do his fair share), a lot of "I'm hungry", a lot of not listening, a lot of getting hurt after mommy kept saying stop your going to get hurt, in essence a lot of butting heads, a lot of tears, a lot of "but mommy" and I confess some of my non-finest moments. 

As a mommy, we start each day with a fresh start. We hope to be the best parent we can be.  We want to encourage, empower, engage our little one.  I don't believe in hitting. I don't believe in it as an effective way of child rearing. I don't think children learn lessons from hitting. I am not perfect. Confession... I may not hit however, I may have on occasion pulled by child rather strongly into time out.  My downfall on a really bad day is raising my voice...ok yelling. 

Although my own mother does not recall, I come from a hot blooded family from Brooklyn where raising voices were not uncommon but love was abound.  I never questioned the love that surrounded me, however, raised voices were very common place when getting my mom's side of the family together, which was often.  I adored my Brooklyn family.  They made up some of my best childhood memories.  They had foibles and I loved them warts and all.

So yesterday was filled with some yelling moments.  We all have days like this? I have a 3 year old who is a pretty darn good kid. I know all mommy's think that of their child but she really has always given me little to stress about.  The "terrible two's" were a breeze. The 3's are currently whipping me a bit. The non listening and the apparent desire of said child to do what mommy said not to do just to get a reaction to mommy puts me in a tizzy at times. 

As my daughter is in school at this very moment, I have a few minutes to reflect on what I can learn from my failed day of family fun.  One of the important lessons I am trying to put into practice is "No lessons can be learned in the heat of the moment".   This is true.  When emotions are at a high for mommy and child it is the least effective time to teach anything.  I think one of the best tools of a mother is the art of distraction. It's like a ticking bomb. Decode, decipher, deflect...just get their minds off whatever it is that they are driven to do at that moment.  In other words, I am reminded to Give Peace a Chance.  Let the lessons we need to teach happen in the moments where our children and us as parents are peacefully engaged, and not when there is a battle of control. 

So moms and dads out there. If you are even reading this, tell me, do you have days you wish you could just erase?! How do you turn your worst parenting mistakes into lessons learned?! I'm not alone I know we all have days like I just had.  Thankfully, as this roller coaster known as Parenthood goes, we have ups and downs. I for one am thrilled most of my days are ups. And even on the downs, I continue to be thankful and am enjoying the ride.